If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
