i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
