I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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