but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
