i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
