You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My vagina just recognized that song.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
