But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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