I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
