AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
