Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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