I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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