Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
