The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I pour the whiskey from now on
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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