I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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