Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
