Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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