dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just high enough for therapy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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