i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
