I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
