I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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