Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
