i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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