In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
