What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
