Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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