Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
