I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
