You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
