Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
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i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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