You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
