Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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