i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
