her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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