you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize