so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the day after is always just damage control
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
