Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
