Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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