you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
