Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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