Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
