If i come over, it means nothing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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