So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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