They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she peed on how many people?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
