ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
no, he came in my armpit
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
