my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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