My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
