I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
