I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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