Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to calm my uterus...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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