she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
