Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
