I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
