Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
