I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
