The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
