Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
