like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
