i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
