I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
