The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
