Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
