dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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