dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't turn off my feet"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
