Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
