I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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