I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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