Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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