I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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