The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
