I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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