theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
