Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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