i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
