When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
