If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
