I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you had me at cake vodka
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
