just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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