i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
