just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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